Accept Without Exception
When you think something negative or critical of yourself, look honestly for what is both not true about the statement and for the part that is true. Then recreate the statement so that it is more realistic: reject the distorted part and accept the portion that is true in a way that focuses on behavior (something you say, do, think, or feel) and not identity (you as a person) Accept, without exception, what is true about your behavior and reject what isn’t.
Example 1: “I can’t do anything right” is not totally true for anyone. A more accurate and truthful statement is “I do sometimes make mistakes—that’s part of being human and I am working on doing better.” Here you accepted the true part and corrected the overmagnified, untrue part: "can't do ANYTHING right".
Example 2: Someone says to you "you're such a jerk!". Reply: "I guess I did act in a way that was rude or unfeeling, that's true. I apologize for that and will try to do better." Here you did not let the untrue label ("jerk") stick on you--because no one's entire identity forever is "jerk"--that's just not true and is the danger of applying overarching labels. You accepted that you did something that wasn't so good AND you stated it in a way that focused on behavior, apologized, and on changing your behavior in the future. What more can you ask of anyone...of yourself?
Example 3: You think to yourself "I'm not making any progress...I'm bombing out at managing my own mood." Accept the part that's true and say to yourself "I have had some setbacks and I'm not seeing as much progress as I want right now" AND then refocus on changing your behavior in the future by adding "these setbacks are just good examples of how I need to keep working on developing skills so I think I'll do some more work on them right now."
Tools/Techniques
For a paper copy of the Toolbox, click here.
The CBT Toolbox
If you have never worked with Dr. Grant and would like to, please click on the "New Patients" page to the left, read it, and follow its directions. I welcome the chance to work with you!
1101 Johnson Avenue, Suite 200 Myrtle Beach, SC 29577 P: 843.839.9028 F: 843.839.9029
Coastal Center for Cognitive Therapy, PA
