Tools/Techniques
If you have never worked with Dr. Grant and would like to, please click on the "New Patients" page to the left, read it, and follow its directions. I welcome the chance to work with you!
Can the Can’t
Be careful of your use of “can’t” because it takes away all your power and leaves you feeling helpless. The truth is you are not helpless. There is ALWAYS something, no matter how small, you CAN do. Get someone to help you count how many times you say “can’t” and “can” them. Say “choose not to” instead...because that is much more true and acknowledges that the power is in you.
Example 1: “I can’t do anything right” is not totally true for anyone. Can the can't--throw it out! Change this untrue statement to something like: "I've made some mistakes and I am not going to let them stop me. I CAN move ahead by doing _______ and that is what I'm going to do right now."
Example 2: "I can't get out of bed, I'm too depressed." Actually, staying in bed is supporting your depression! Is it true that you really "can't" get out of bed--are you unable to move your legs? Probably not. So "can't" is untrue--toss it! Instead say "I do feel really sad today and lying in bed all day seems like it would feel good yet I know getting up and doing something, no matter how small, has helped in the past. The truth is I physically CAN get up and I'll do that for an hour and see how I feel."
Example 3: "I'd like to go out with you tonight but I can't" (meaning really that you are looking for an excuse not to go). Be more honest with everyone and say "I'd rather not go out tonight, but thanks anyway." Here you are stating that you choose not to go out and are not lying by saying you "can't" when you actually could!
Remember "can" means "are able to". "Can't" means "are not able to". Make sure you look hard at what you THINK you are not able/capable to do before you say "can't". Usually your "can't" isn't true because you are able/capable to do or choose something, no matter how small.
For a paper copy of the Toolbox, click here.
The CBT Toolbox
1101 Johnson Avenue, Suite 200 Myrtle Beach, SC 29577 P: 843.839.9028 F: 843.839.9029
Coastal Center for Cognitive Therapy, PA
