Tools/Techniques
If you have never worked with Dr. Grant and would like to, please click on the "New Patients" page to the left, read it, and follow its directions. I welcome the chance to work with you!
Change the Word
This works well when you get into the Labeling and Should Statements distortions. Take a look at your thoughts and what you say: you may be using words that are really too subjective and emotionally heavy like “I am a loser” or “I should be able to do this perfectly”. Change the word to “I am a learner and do some things well and others less well” and “I could probably do this better if I didn’t pressure myself so much”. Change your word > change your thought > change your feeling. Words are powerful--be very careful of the ones you choose!
Example 1: "I should do _______." "Should" makes a rule for you and it is usually a rule you don't really want to obey, right? So change that word. Change "should" to "could" and allow yourself to have more open doors of choice. "I could do ______ or I could do _______ or even _______. I can think of several things I could do." This puts the power back in your hands, takes away the punishing "should" and gives you the choice of your behavior--you, after all, are the only one who is in charge of your behavior, right? If you are having trouble understanding this read this.
Example 2: "What an asshole my husband is!" OK, sounds like you aren't thrilled with your husband's behavior so you call him a name that is supposed to identify his entire identity forever. Does it...really...forever? Has he ever done even one thing that was kind or loving? If so, then a forever identity label isn't true. Change the word/s. Try making this statement "Aaaarrggghhh...I really don't like it when my husband says/does _____. I need to talk to him again about this because I feel hurt and angry." This is not only more true but it puts the responsibility on you communicate to him...maybe for the 50th time...how you feel about his behavior. If you feel you two aren't making progress seek some help to break through this barrier so your marriage can improve. Using labels like "asshole" is not a way to improve a marriage! Has it ever helped in the past? If not, try something different: change the word and get help if you are stuck.
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The CBT Toolbox
1101 Johnson Avenue, Suite 200 Myrtle Beach, SC 29577 P: 843.839.9028 F: 843.839.9029
Coastal Center for Cognitive Therapy, PA
