Tools/Techniques

If you have never worked with Dr. Grant and would like to, please click on the "New Patients" page to the left, read it, and follow its directions.  I welcome the chance to work with you!

No-Blame Game

Instead of taking all the blame for a problem, look hard for all the other reasons that problem may have been created.  If you want to work on solving the problem, start focusing on ALL the issues that caused it and stop feeling guilty or bad about yourself. Stop blaming yourself for the whole thing—you are not that powerful!  Ask what you can learn about what you did/didn’t do and what you can do to fix the part under your control.

Example: "I screwed the whole relationship up--I just ruined the whole thing." 

OK, let's get real here.  Do you REALLY have the power to ruin a relationship with someone else all on your own?  You can kill the whole thing just with what you say or do alone?  Well, there may be some very rare instances where you can do something so horrible and awful like assault or rape someone that does ruin the relationship.  But, short of something at that dreadful level, it is unlikely that you, alone, have that much power. Take responsibility for what you said and did that hurt the relationship AND look hard for what the other person said or did or the circumstances that contributed to the problems in the relationship.  As you identify all the things other than what you did, you will get a more truthful, balanced view of reality and then you will have the clarity to start formulating a plan to work on fixing what you can if you want to repair the relationship. 

Blame disempowers and is not helpful.  Taking appropriate responsibility empowers and lets you know what you need to do to fix things.

BLAME

1101 Johnson Avenue, Suite 200   Myrtle Beach, SC  29577     P: 843.839.9028     F: 843.839.9029

Coastal Center for Cognitive Therapy, PA

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The CBT Toolbox